My cousin emailed me recently pondering the question of getting a pet. He’s thinking about a kitten, but wondered if you were supposed to bath them as a recent “joke” collage of cat bathing photos made him rethink cats as a pet. He thought they looked pretty traumatized by the whole bathing routine and wondered if there was a better way to keep them clean...like steam-cleaning or vacuuming. He makes me laugh.
I told him that steam-cleaning or vacuuming was probably adverse to their little kitty brains and they would most likely, in a diabolical kitty way, find amusing (for them) and subversive ways to get back at you.
I started thinking about the right pet for him, as I like to be very helpful to my relatives, and since he lives in a condo, the size and nature of the pet is important.
He needs a small pet of some sort, but nothing in the rat/hamster genus. Those animals are probably too small of a creature and would easily get lost…probably to the neighbors’ dismay when they found his pet inside their clothing bin.
No birds. They tweeter and screech making it impossible to take short or long naps. I can attest to the screeching part as I had a parrot one time. He adjusted the volume of his screeching to the volume of his surroundings. The volume on our stereo equipment could not go high enough to out blast him. He also liked to greet the morning with high-pitched screams and squawks. Apparently in birdie time, 4:30 AM is “rise and blab” time. And they are very…very messy in a stinky sort of way. They also make your husband consider divorcing you unless you rid yourself of the green monster. It's a very bad memory for me.
Snakes are downright slithery and not meant for pets…no matter what snake lovers say. Same goes for any knarly-skinned animals such as an iguana or any other lizard. No good for a pet. You never know what they’re thinking. They always have the same look on their face whether they are debating biting you, or wondering what happened to Mazie…their previous friend in the tank. How can you trust a pet that doesn’t have discernable expressions for various thoughts?
Fish are just boring. Although you can go to sleep watching fish swim around in aimless paths across the tank, which is probably good for your blood pressure. But what are they looking for? Surely they’ve noticed there is never anything new in the tank. Or anywhere else to go. Fish are good for putting you to sleep, but no good for petting. It’s hard to get into a fish and feel any love. They just don’t last that long. Sort of toilet-bound animals.
Pigs, although very smart, are too snout-y. I don’t want my pet rummaging around my house for things. It would make me feel like I wasn’t a very good house keeper as the pig would continually find bits of things to eat on the ground. And they look like farmyard animals. Would your friends talk behind your back about your pig-sty of a house?
Ferrets look like a cross between a rat and a slinky. And they steal your things, which make them the criminal element of the animal world. I don’t want to support that behavior in my house. There are prisons full of people like that.
I guess in the final analysis, a kitty that you don’t have to bath is the right pet for my cousin.
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