Avert Your Eyes

So there I was getting ready for work Friday morning…slathering my face with beauty creams and curling my chicken-plucked-night-hair, when my husband came to the doorway and said the washing machine must be having problems as my youngest son had unplugged it. And he didn’t leave a note as to the issue before he left for work. But my son did leave all the lights on and his alarm kept going off making annoying beeping noises until I found the correct button to punch to turn it off instead of continually smacking the snooze button.

And why do men ask you to look at household mechanical devices with issues, but not cars or other manly things with issues? They never say, “Oh honey, the fuel injection system seems to be clogged, you'd better come out here and take a look at it”. Are the mechanics of a washing machine somehow in the female domain, thereby making us an expert by default on any failure issues? I’m confused on the logic of it all.

I went out to the garage, which as I said seems silly since I am in no way a mechanic and can only stare blankly at objects which are not functioning in a normal manner. There wasn’t any sign of water spilling out on the floor, so that blew the extent of my “things to check list”. I considered using my Mad Mommy face and demand the agitator, or whatever malfunctioning part was to blame for the malaise of the washing machine, cease and desist any further flagrant non-working rebellious actions. It was only a momentary consideration that I promptly dismissed as a waste of a good mean mommy face.

My husband started it up to see what would happen. Nothing, but what should happen when you start a washing machine. We’re both confused at this point.

I went back in the house, gathered my things up and before I departed for work, my husband said he thought he knew what the problem was…or wasn’t in this case. My son unplugged the washer to use the smoothie maker for his morning protein drink. He makes them in the garage so the sound doesn’t wake us. Obviously he forgot to re-plug the washing machine back in.

Feeling lots better about the future of our home devices, I sailed to work in my new car with a slight feeling that something was amiss…like maybe I forgot something important. You know that feeling when you’re missing earrings or your watch? La la la I arrived at work with my music beating out a happy tune. Got out of the car and started to walk down the stairs. Oh…NOW I remember what I forgot. That would be my eye shadow. Crap.

When I got to my desk to put on the eye shadow, I looked in the mirror and realized I had also forgotten to put on lipstick, base makeup and blush. I was, in short, a pasty-faced women who displayed the “before” look of a makeup ad for women who really…really…need some products troweled on their face.

I’m blaming my son, my husband and the washing machine. The whole affair threw me off my pace so I didn’t put my game face on for the day.

Avert your eyes everyone I’m hideous!

Thank goodness, like every smart working woman, I keep emergency makeup in my desk drawer. Whew. I’m only half-hideous now.