Monday, June 25, 2007

Alexina and The Young Man

Alexina is a woman who fits in everywhere and with everyone and always has something interesting to say because she does interesting things. Men love her because she’s beautiful in an exotic mysterious way with long auburn hair, sky blue eyes, and a figure toned by 24-hr Fitness. She also cooks like a Cordon Bleu graduate. The combination is deadly.

She calls herself an ex-serial marry’er. She’s 30 and has been married twice, which she considers more than enough for any woman. She’s taking time out to reassess her criteria for serious relationships.

She had a date last week-end with a 22 year old college student who works part-time in a restaurant she frequents. The young fellow is tall with the wiry muscular build of a long-time surfer. He has sandy hair and a cute lop-sided smile that brings out a dimple in one cheek that makes our feminine fingers itch to reach out and tweek that cheek. And more.

Alexina decided to approach dating in a more scientific manner by developing a working laundry list of good and bad attributes in men so that she can control her impulse to “help” every downtrodden, weak, needy, fool she meets. I told her that the instant she even thinks the “H” word, she should run screaming to the nearest phone and call me. Or suggest he call a professional who can “H”elp him.

She said when the young man showed up at her door, she had second thoughts. He had a beat up van--as in paint missing in several spots with the base metal showing through, and several dents on both sides. He was wearing orange baggy swim trunks and a wrinkled shirt that said “Ride the Wave to Freedom”. She thought his mother should have educated him on the value of an iron.

She asked him into her livingroom so she could get her things, whereupon he apparently mistook the polite gesture for an invitation to grab her for a kiss. She figures that youth disobeys any laws of formality, manners or timing. She also figured it was going to be a very long day.

They spent the afternoon at the beach, which considering the beautiful weather we had over the week-end should have been quite nice. Except the young man spent the whole time surfing. She thinks he planned it so she could admire his expertise in the sport, or surfing is his life and everything else comes second. Not a good sign for a sharing relationship.

Alexina spent the afternoon feigning interest, searching for seashells, and talking with the older couples on the beach. Her laundry list on the negative side had reached the end of the first page. She tried to come up with some emergency illness that would cut his water time short and get her back home, but gave up and took a nap in the shade. The thrill of dating a younger man was waning.

At the end of the day, the dear fellow took her to his apartment so he could change clothes. Which he did. He changed into another set of wrinkled attire. As a matter of fact, Alexina thought his whole apartment looked wrinkled.

He cleared the sofa so they could sit down and watch some TV. He clicked on the set to the sports channel where, to her surprise, was a tractor pulling competition. Did people actually watch this stuff? Apparently people do.

Oh, look at the time. Early appointment tomorrow. But it’s Sunday tomorrow. Right. Early church service.

I asked her if she had anything in the positive column of her new list. She said she’d have to give it some thought and get back to me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow. It's difficult to imagine a gay date following quite the same script.

I'm just sayin'.

-J